ANNOY-A-TRON: MY TOP TEN OF THE INSIPID – PART ONE

Well folks,

Instead of a truly formal post or analysis of Micheal Ignatieff’s movements today, as I will do that as soon as I digest it all into nice bite, then spite it all up along with my own bile, all for you to see and revel in. As such, I will now digress into a short post on the simplest of topics, a vent-rant. Here is, for my enjoyment and your attention, the things which annoy me.

These things are, mostly, simple things but some people or companies tend to forget them at times and drive me up the wall, these are no complex things nor fast-paced or difficult… but just simply insipid. If you follow, yes, this is due to my retort to Mr. Larry King via Twitter. His current guests, such as that hack Jeff Foxworthy or that loser-star couple from the Hills, are exactly that… insipid. While I normally enjoy Larry King Live, it is no Canadian broadcast of news. Which is actually a good thing for those of you downcast Canucks who don’t see the value of, for instance, public broadcasting.

But, none of these small gripes compare with my current slate of distain.

10.) Facebook User Names:

When I first read this particular gem, I pretty much laughed my very soul out my nose and into the air, at which point it fell, hit the curb and died a little. I mean, wasn’t the point of Facebook to be… known? What’s the entire point to form a true ‘social’ network with your family if your redirecting them with weird shorthand forms of your login? I mean most will likely not even choose names which reflect their true names and such a thing IS possible.

Really what this does it open the flood gates for other, forum-ish implementations for the site, and that ruins the little good it actually provides, which like Twitter is truly none.

9.) Cliche Reports on Mexico, Mexicans and all such related things:

It may be just because I have recently become quite good friends with several people of Mexican-origin or it may be the beeping of my ‘hypocrite’ detector, but I really hate the reports which one tends to find about which maligns Mexico as a corrupt, drug-ladened, thug-run nation. It is simply not true. I have met the most fascinating people from this nation and many of which are destined to do great things home, here and abroad.

Where there is corruption, it is not unlike anywhere else. In the U.S., there are members of the Military who give weaponry to white supremacists, while in Canada our top police force is mired with constant scandal (or so it appears). So why then do I wake up this morning to watch the CBC having a document on the corruption of the Mexican military and police in the ‘war’ on drugs. Really, we all live in glass houses… and should not start throwing stones here and there.

8.) The ‘film’ Troy.

Now, some of you who know me will have been expecting this, but really this movie is a brain-busting, gut-wrenching awful fest. I mean some people might like the weird-armored Brad Pitt-Achilles, but really… He’s a darn half-wit and could not come close to carrying off such a complex and truly bloodthirsty character.

Equally distressing is the misuse of the Ancient epic, The Iliad, and it’s plot line. I mean, I shan’t sweat the small stuff like changing the ages and relationship of Achilles and Patroclus. I will become enraged with massive mistakes like the mess they made of Aeneas (He can’t even pronounce his own name right…), Hector’s death scene (“HECTOR! HECTOR! HEEEEECTOR!” yells Achilles) and… the weird deaths of Agamemnon and Menelaus which were needless, wrong and simply out-of-left-field.

Simply put, there is nothing good BUT Eric Bana in this film, even if the other famed actors are quite good normally… Only Mr. Bana shines amid this stinking pile of refuse.

7.) The ‘Actor’ Orlando Bloom.

See #8, then the rest of his films… even my beloved Lord of the Rings and you will see why. He is just not that good compared to everyone who props him up in a film, like John-Rhyms Davies or Johnny Depp. Mr. Bloom is a hollow, never different actor. With his characters all wreaking of the same ‘saminess’ as each other.

Gah, he deserves not more writing…

6.) Twilight Fandom.

Honestly, I’ve only been able to read bits of the books at a time, while avoiding the film all together. But what I’ve read of it supports the general critique against the series, it’s author and those who fervently peddle it. It is a piece of ‘low-pop’ culture drivel with a penchance for being less than progressive at every turn.

The main character is an unintelligent and subservient woman, with no true will other than to mope or weep or be moderately please when her vampire-love arrives. Meanwhile, he is an idiot with the noble idea (which he does disgard yet no one seems to question) of not turning her into the living dead. Oh how ‘bloody’ romantic! The remaining characters are cut-outs and algams, really. None of them overly special, none of them interesting and really none of the fans care about them.

And it’s the fans I take issue with most of all, simply because they blindly overlook and deny the series faults, while trashing true fantasy like Lewis or Tolkien (such has been done in my wrathful presence). Like the Jonas Brothers are to music, Twlight is to books. Written for those who among the younger ages wish to never stray outside the coloured lines and never wish to seek true difference, only that which we are told to look for when convenient.

5.) Nintendo and Its self-imposed Barrier to Growth.

Nintendo has garnered. quite successfully, my ire over the past decade with little respite. I am not, as you would guess a Nintendo-hater, I after all only own a Wii in terms of my current gen. system. But Nintendo, despite surprising me and winning out with the Wii formula, has done great ill to itself and will again suffer for it as it did with the purple Lunchbox GameCube.

The first of these ills are a predicament which makes their current e3 line up simply feature sequels and re-hashings of existing series. Yes, we all love Mario… or do we? I’m quite tired of their obese yet jolly plumber, but at least he stays fresh with truly experimental game-play. In other series, and I’m looking at you Legend of Zelda, there has been no real progress since they’re last true reinvention (Every major LoZ game since Ocarina on the consoles, for instance, has been a play on its themes and gameplay).

While others, like Metroid, aim to be darker but cannot go the distance and generally rely on gimmicks to make up the difference. This reveals a weakness right off the bat, as Nintendo lacks for certain the truly mature game which every company needs just one of. It’s time for Nintendo to shun off some of it’s plastic perfect family veneer to do something new, while reaching a balance with that and its existing lineup.

Meanwhile some series, like Legend of Zelda, need literally to be retired for awhile so we can let them become a bit less ‘radioactive’ and convoluted inwardly, thus that someone could pick up the series later (a la Metroid Prime I and do something quite new).

… Anyways, that’s it for part one… be sure to keep tuned for Part Two and…

Enjoy,
- Brad.